Daffodil Diaries - Ruth O'Sullivan

“You should pay attention to what’s going on in your body, and don’t assume that you know what it is. Pay attention to what your body is telling you.”

Ruth O’Sullivan, 55, was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in 2014 after noticing a small lump in her breast. She underwent a lumpectomy, lymph node removal, chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

“In March 2015, they were able to say the cancer was gone. I didn’t really believe it, I always expected it to come back, and that’s the thought that I lived with for years afterwards. It was difficult to learn to live with.”

Getting the all clear was a disorientating experience for Ruth, who lives in Dublin, and she struggled in the months that followed.

“One of the most difficult periods came at the end of my treatment, at the end of my radiotherapy. I was just not doing well mentally, and I think a part of that was my treatment had put me into medically induced menopause, but I didn’t know that at the time. No one told me that I’d feel extra anxious, emotional and scared and that part of the came from the hormones. If I’d been told that, maybe I could’ve prepared myself.

“It's a difficult time when you finish treatment, because people say it’s great, you’ve finished your treatment, you’ve beaten it – but I felt completely lost and terrified. You’re in such a bubble when you’re being treated. There’s nearly a safety in being in treatment, because you get your routine with your hospital appointments and everything.”

After a couple of years, Ruth began to worry less about a cancer reoccurrence. But, during the summer of 2023, she developed severe back pain which she initially thought was sciatica.

“I was getting very bad back pain,” she says. “I’ve struggled with chronic back pain since I was a teenager, but this time the pain was in a different place, it wasn’t in its usual place. I thought I had sciatica.

“Then I started getting sharp pain at the back of my hip, so walking became difficult, and the pain got worse and worse. Eventually, the pain was so bad that I could hardly move, and I had to contort myself to get out of the car. My son told me that it had gotten too bad, that I needed to get it checked out.

“My GP knew about my back issues, so they put me on a stronger painkiller, but it did nothing. I went to get an MRI, and then I got a call to come into the Laya Clinic in Carrickmines on a Friday evening to get my results.

“It was really surreal. There was nearly a sense that I knew this was going to happen. It nearly felt unfair because, at that point"

“I toddled over by myself – I didn’t think it would be anything serious – but the doctor came in and said a lesion had been discovered. I said, ‘What’s that?’, and he used some other phrases I didn’t understand, then he said it was a mass. I said, ‘Look, is it cancer?’ and he said he didn’t know, but he said the probability was 90% that it was, but they’d have to do more tests to find out.”

“It was really surreal. There was nearly a sense that I knew this was going to happen. It nearly felt unfair because, at that point, I’d gone past the point of thinking the cancer would return after my first diagnosis. I was able to put that aside, really, and then my second cancer diagnosis happened.”

Ruth linked back in with the oncologist she went to when she was diagnosed with breast cancer back in 2014, and she had further tests to find out what type of cancer she had.

“It took a lot of tests for them to detect that I had DLBCL, a non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. It was unusual, because it started in the bone marrow at the back of my pelvis and the tumour grew out of there and towards my spine. The tumour fractured my pelvic bone as it grew out from the marrow, hence the excruciating pain I was in, and I was on crutches for two months. The tumour was inoperable because it was so enmeshed in everything around it. I was treated with chemotherapy, immunotherapy and radiation.”

“I went to the Daffodil Centre in Vincent’s to have a look at the booklets, and I spoke to a volunteer in there. I was able to speak to her and chat to her about where I’d been and what happened, and how I was trying to improve my health."

When Ruth was facing going through cancer treatment again, she decided to do her best to try to make it a positive occasion.

“I knew what was coming and a friend of mine said I should make something positive out of it. So, I ordered a load of coloured wigs online, I invited my mum, my sister-in-law and my friends to my house, and I had a female barber come to the house and cut my hair in a way that meant it could be donated, before she shaved it. Doing that made it easier, but there were still a few tears.”

During the treatment for both of her cancer diagnoses, Ruth found the Irish Cancer Society website and the Daffodil Centre in St Vincent’s to be invaluable sources of support and information.

“I went to the Daffodil Centre in Vincent’s to have a look at the booklets, and I spoke to a volunteer in there. I was able to speak to her and chat to her about where I’d been and what happened, and how I was trying to improve my health.

“I also looked at the Irish Cancer Society website a lot. One of the things it did, was it highlighted that I wasn’t the only person going through this. I wasn’t alone, and there was lots of support out there if I felt I needed it.”

During her fifth chemotherapy session to treat her non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, Ruth received some good news from one of the medical staff.

“After my fourth chemo and immunotherapy session, I had a CT scan. When I was in for my fifth session, the clinical nursing specialist came in and said, ‘I have some good news, we got the results of scan you did after your fourth chemo session and the cancer’s gone’. I said, ‘What do you mean gone? How much is left?’ I just couldn’t comprehend what she was saying to me.”

"I look back at the last year, and it’s hard to believe it. It’s surreal. It’s like the whole year had been shrunk down into hospital appointments and treatment."

Ruth is now recovering well and is hoping to return to work in the banking sector on a phased basis in the near future.

“I’m getting better. I still haven’t gone back to work, but I’m having conversations about a phased return. My energy is up and down a lot. I look back at the last year, and it’s hard to believe it. It’s surreal. It’s like the whole year had been shrunk down into hospital appointments and treatment. But I’m coping a lot better than I did the first time.”

Ruth is sharing her story to highlight the importance of listening to your body, and also paying attention to your mental health and seeking support when you’re affected by cancer.

“I think your mental health is so important. People need to look after their mind and get the supports that are available to them – they shouldn’t feel ashamed or less than others because they need help.”