“We called the Irish Cancer Society a lot, especially at the start."
Over a year ago, Denise Murphy lost her husband, Mick, to cancer. The Murphy family are grateful for the support they received from the Irish Cancer Society during Mick’s diagnosis and beyond, which Denise says helped them to get through Mick’s illness, and to navigate their grief since he died.
While the Murphys still grapple with their loss, Denise and her family have a wealth of positive memories of Mick that they often recall.
“Mick was sick for three years, but he had a good two-and-half-years before it went quickly downhill in terms of pain and energy levels,” says Denise. “He was very active, he kept busy.
He was really adamant that he was going to keep living while he was alive. For as long as he had energy and was able to do things, he did them. He did the things he wanted to get done, like going on a cycling holiday and taking part in community cycles.”
“We also used a lot of the resources on the Irish Cancer Society website,"
A source of reassurance that Denise and Mick often used after Mick was diagnosed was the Irish Cancer Society’s website and Support Line.
“We called the Irish Cancer Society a lot, especially at the start,” says Denise. “I found it incredibly tough to keep all the balls in the air. I was working but also caring for Mick.
In my experience, people are so good and mean so well, but when you tell someone your husband has cancer, everyone has an opinion, like that we shouldn’t have told the kids he had cancer or if I should’ve kept working while he was sick.
“When you ring the Irish Cancer Society Support Line, you can offload and ask questions that you can’t ask other people for fear they’ll judge you or bring their opinion into it. At that early stage, you need that clear and concise information – you don’t need to be overwhelmed. It was great to have someone to talk to who is impartial and will just give you the facts, and you know what they’re saying is backed up by science and a wealth of experience.
“We also used a lot of the resources on the Irish Cancer Society website, like explaining to the kids about their dad having cancer, we found that really helpful. We used the website so much when we were awake at all hours of the night, it was very helpful. We also got referred to our local cancer centre in Cork, and they were a huge support.”
"I came back feeling calmer about different things we’d been going through, by speaking to the grief counsellor and other families there."
In September, Denise Murphy and her sons Dermot (15) and Cormac (12) went to a family bereavement camp at Barretstown, funded by the Irish Cancer Society, for families who have lost a parent to cancer. The three-day camp gave the Murphys the opportunity to remember their beloved husband and dad, Mick, who passed away in November 2023 after being diagnosed with bowel cancer. It also allowed them to meet other families who were bereaved.
“It was a really lovely feeling, to meet other families who had lost a parent and partner to cancer, who understood how difficult cancer treatment could be and how it affects the family,” says Denise, who lives in Cork with her and Mick’s children, including Caoimhe (19).
“It was a really lovely feeling, to meet other families who had lost a parent and partner to cancer, who understood how difficult cancer treatment could be and how it affects the family,” says Denise, who lives in Cork with her and Mick’s children, including Caoimhe (19).
“Some families had really young kids, and some had teenagers, like us. It was nice to see the similarities between all our different experiences. I came back feeling calmer about different things we’d been going through, by speaking to the grief counsellor and other families there.
“It’s heartbreaking to see other kids who’ve lost a parent to cancer, but we all understand each other."
“There were people who’d lost partners recently, and people who were years down the line and who gave us hope that there were still good times to be had. It was so positive, and I got to know a few people who lost their partners in a similar way. I was very apprehensive about going, I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing for the boys. But we were so well treated and minded, and I’ve made contact with other mams who are going through the same thing.”
The Murphys’ participation in the camp came about after staff at the Marymount Hospice in Cork, where Mick spent the last weeks of his life, made Denise aware of it. It was mentioned again in an online group for widows that Denise was a member of, so she signed her family up for it.
"Reflecting on how the bereavement camp has helped her family to deal with their loss," Denise says it gave them a safe space to talk about their experience and to feel understood.
“It’s heartbreaking to see other kids who’ve lost a parent to cancer, but we all understand each other. All of the parents at the camp understand you and know what you’re feeling, and the kids realise there are other kids who’ve lost a parent too.
“I can see a huge positive impact that the weekend has made to us all, and it makes you appreciate that while Mick’s illness was awful, there are still positives that we can take from Mick’s life as well as the way he dealt with his illness.”
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